If you’ve come here looking for another quirky and surreal #WhatsTheStory this week I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place. You should probably about-turn now or just head back to my entry from last week.

This week is an image with mixed emotions for me. Most of them sadness.

It is me at age 18. A time when we should all be full of life, beginning to really discover ourselves and enjoying our new adult existence. For me though, this picture sums up just how dejected I really was at that time. Don’t let the half smile fool you; I was miserable. I was in a  relationship (technically engaged) to a man ten years older than myself who was not the nicest of fellows. Don’t get me wrong, he never hit me and was not physically abusive, but then not all pain comes in physical form. He was a clever man and had been through a lot in his life, and to a large extent I don’t even think he knew what he was doing himself.

I’m not sure I’m quite ready to go into all the details now but it was a very controlling relationship and one which I am very pleased to not be in anymore. During my year with him I gained three stone in weight. This was mostly due to his jealousy and the thought of other people showing a passing interest in me. The merest glance and he would have me eating pizza for dinner – putting on the weight meant that others were less likely to look. I was pale and pasty. I was overweight. I had to die my hair a very unflattering shade of brown to become less visible.

I couldn’t see it. He had promised the world (we were engaged within three weeks) and being young and naive and not having had a boyfriend before, I fell for it.

But this picture doesn’t only bring me sadness. It also brings me hope and a sense of achievement. I am not this person anymore and I have come a long way from such a dark place when I could have let it swallow me whole. It has made me stronger, and for that I am grateful.

So here I am. Aged 18. And desperately unhappy. But it is just a photo. A distant memory, and one that I know I had to experience to be who I am now.

ScissorsPaperRock