from Sussex, with love

Ranty Friday – No I am Not Depressed

After having Oscar I didn’t leave the house properly for weeks – I’m not sure that most people would find that surprising. Not only is there the c-section recovery to deal with but there’s also a new tiny life who spends 99.9% of their time screaming while I spend 99.8% of the time not knowing why.

Granted, I’ve been fairly lazy post-recovery and am still spending much of the day in a dressing gown cuddling my baby but who the hell cares! Isn’t that what maternity leave is SUPPOSED to be about?

Why then, are my family being such bellends about the whole thing?

This week I’ve pretty much reached the end of my tolerance for the snide remarks and forceful opinions being thrust upon me. They seem to have it in their head that there must be something wrong; that I must be depressed or close to it. I assume they think this because I don’t want to spend every day hauling all of Oscar’s things over to their house to see them – this doesn’t make me depressed, this just means I have my own life now and my own little family and that maybe you could come here if you’re that concerned?

Some things I’m sick of hearing this week:

“Oh you’re still in your dressing gown?”  Yes… yes I am. And in future I will ignore your Facetime calls if they are only going to serve as a quick way for you to judge me, my house or anything else you can see through the lens.

“I thought we were going to get you out of the house for a bit today?” No… YOU thought we were going to get me out of the house. I thought you were coming to spend non-judgmental time with me? And actually, Oscar has been screaming for 2 hours with teething pain, as you can hear because YOU ARE RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, and maybe now isn’t the best time for any of us to be trying to get me out for a coffee. Fucks sake.

“Go on…get out… it’ll do you some good” It will do me good? Or it will go some way to satisfy you that there’s nothing wrong with me and ease your own concerns? Because right now I would just like to sit and enjoy and cuddly nap with my baby, thanks.

It’s not like I was even a massive “going out” person before I had him. I’ve always been the type to mooch about on my sofa in a dressing gown watching box sets. So why now do they think I should be out all of the time? And, not that I should have to defend myself, this week we have been for a walk, gone on our first family picnic and gone to baby group/for a coffee with the bestie – I’m not really sure that counts as “never leaving the house”.

I swear to god if a member of my family ask me if I’m “coping OK” or  if I’m “a bit overly teary a lot of the time” just once more I will implode.

YOU are the ones pissing me off – not being stuck in the house. I am not “stuck” anywhere – I am right where I want to be.

Also it’s quite clear that I don’t have PND and my other half is wonderful enough to ensure I got help if I did so stop making such a serious condition seem so trivial just because I want to sit and cuddle some days.

In short – Please fuck off, I am not depressed. I just have a baby. OK?

I’m linking up with MummyBarrow for Ranty Friday.

p.s. Fuck you Jamelia.

Kelly is a twenty-something lover of all things nerdy. Cocktails and lie ins are her favorite things, neither of which she can enjoy since becoming a mum for the first time. She writes about everything she loves and loathes (with a little indifference thrown in for good measure!) She also blogs over on the BabyCentre about life as a new mum.


  1. karen

    April 24, 2015 - 2:36 pm

    Lol, I had to come and read this blog post, simply because of the title… 😉

    I think the problem is that PND now (rightly so) gets a lot more focus and people are more aware of it, and that some women can struggle, which is a good thing, because it does mean that hopefully more women will get help when needed but I can see how annoying it would be that your family are making assumptions about your mental health, when you are actually fine. It’s hard having a new baby and learning to be a mum, without pressure and expectations being put on you by friends and family, and I hope they read this post and take the hint. You sound like you are doing fine to me. I often had days where mooching in my pj’s and just enjoying my baby were what I wanted to do, and as you say, you are on maternity leave, and need to enjoy that time how you want to, not how others think you should. We still have days where we lurk in our pj’s and my kids are 5 & 8! 😉
    Good rant. Popped over from MummyBarrow!

  2. mummylimited

    April 24, 2015 - 4:35 pm

    I love this post and it is so true. I think a period of taking it easy after a baby is a brilliant idea. Society requires us to get back to “normal” far too quickly. No, we are not depressed, just caring for a baby! Two weeks after my second, when OH had gone back to work and I had a 2yo at home full time, I told a HV that I felt like if been hit by a bus. She gave me the “PND” look and I felt awful, as if I wasn’t coping, when actually I was fine!

  3. Sonny blues mummy he's my puppy!

    April 24, 2015 - 4:35 pm

    Hi Kelly. Great rant. You are brill the way you get it all down in words. Good woman is what I have to say. I have days ion sofa cuddling with my lovely babe (and he’s only a dog!) Your family would class me a sick for sure eh. Keep on keeping on mate. Glad I’m a Great Gran and have left all the pressures you youngsters have behind. Admire you for your fucking honesty. My rants are mainly to myself and Sonny. He never judges anyone!!! Marion. Ps lovely photo

  4. Kim Carberry

    April 24, 2015 - 8:47 pm

    What a great rant…..Sometimes we just need to stay in our dressing gown…..I will be in my PJ’s for all of the weekend. It doesn’t mean I’m depressed….lol I hope your family read this and take the hint x

  5. Mummy Barrow

    April 25, 2015 - 7:52 am

    Ah well meaning family. When I say well meaning, what I mean is, sanctimonious, meddling, opiniated family.

    Fucks sake indeed. Never are your more “other people’s property” than when you have had a baby, or first who a baby bump and strangers stroke your growing belly.

    Stay firm on telling them sod off. You are so right, this is your life, your family is within your four walls and you dont need that crap

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