As the newborn stage of Oscar’s life came to an end I started to get a little twitchy. Something just hasn’t felt right for a while and I think I’ve finally realised what that is. I don’t feel like “me” anymore. OK, so I’m probably never going to feel like the “old me” ever again and that’s probably a good thing in many ways, but I do want to feel at least a little bit like my own person, as well as Oscar’s mum.
I think one of the biggest reasons I feel a bit lost is because I’m missing something that used to be a huge part of my life – my creativity. I studied media production at college and uni and, without blowing my own trumpet too much, actually used to be pretty darn good at it. I would spend my evenings and weekends on my photography, making short documentaries or animations, writing and editing. I loved what I did.
Then I got a job in marketing which involved much less of the fun things I loved and much more of the spreadsheets and client meetings that, although I was good at, didn’t quite light my fire in the same way.
Then I fell pregnant and started focusing on preparing for a new little human to storm their way into our lives and creativity, once again, took a back seat.
Then I had Oscar and, well I’m sure people who have children can tell you how much time you have for your own passions after that!
So now here I am, nearly 8 months into parenthood and about to return to work but with nothing that is just for me.
I have tried picking up a camera and editing images but I seem to have completely forgotten everything I was ever taught and have lost all of the natural ability I may have once had and that makes me frustrated and disappointed. Years of studying and I can’t even remember how to take a good photo anymore. Other peoples quick phone snaps on Facebook look better than my poor efforts at the moment.
Which is why I need to take a stand. I am hereby dedicating one post a week to Reclaiming Me. To getting something of myself back. Even if it’s just a quick ten minutes re-capping photography techniques that my brain seems to have forgotten (or that have been pushed out by the countless mum knowledge that I now need like how to prepare a bottle and do up a nappy).
Watch this space.